Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
