it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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