I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Do you have feelings for this penis?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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