i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Pooping to opera.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
