Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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