Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize