if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
