Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
