My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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