Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
