Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
