We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
