$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
