dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
