being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
