God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
