he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
