I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
