she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
