I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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