i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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