i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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