This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
