I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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