My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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