So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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