she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
