he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
