Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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