I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think people are normalizing furries
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
