you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
