You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
