I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He kissed a someone with a penis
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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