in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The air was thick with penises
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
