Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
