i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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