No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she looked like the before picture.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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