Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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