What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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