Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
