I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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