Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Someone signed my nipple.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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