Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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