I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
