cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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