She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
worst night to have a conscience
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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