That's intense
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
