if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
