those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
