This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
