You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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