Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
