I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize