She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
