I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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