I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
