New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
