went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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