The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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