i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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