The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
