I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
