I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
