remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
