The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Randomize
