Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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