she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
