Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
