Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
