i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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