OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
