Just took my morning after pill in the library
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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