i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize