Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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