Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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