just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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