Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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