**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize