this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
