i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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