nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
