So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
