I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
